1. Make Getting in the Mood for Sex a Priority
Sometimes, having more and better sex simply requires clearing your schedule. “It’s hard to be in the mood when you have a million things on your to-do list and not much time to do it,” Dr. Sadaty says.
Scheduling sex might sound unromantic, but you put most of your important plans in your calendar, so why not sex? It’s best to schedule enough time to do something relaxing first rather than hopping straight into bed, since women, especially, need to be relaxed before their libido kicks in, Sadaty says.
2. Work on Your Mind and Notice Your Thoughts for Better Sex
If your brain is running a feedback loop of reasons you’ve picked up along the way — about how you should feel guilty about sex or maybe that your body is too fat or ugly or, well, whatever — it’s time to stop it in its tracks. Recognize the thought when it appears and change it to a more helpful one.
This helps your sex life because, as a meta-analysis published in the International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology found, people with more open attitudes about sex are better able to explore their sexuality without guilt.
3. Don’t Forget to Use Lubricants for Better Sex
Sex can be more pleasurable if you add a lubricant, which cuts down on friction and irritation and, therefore, discomfort, gynecologists say. You can buy an official lubricant from the drugstore or use a household oil like coconut oil. (Be sure to use a nonlatex condom if you DIY because these oils can damage latex.)
Don’t try to hide your need for a lubricant from your partner. Make it part of your sexual routine and have fun with it.
4. Move Your Body to Improve Your Sex Life
You may not think that the exercise you do for your heart and muscles is important for good sex, but remember that blood flows to your genitals as much as to your heart.
Men with erectile dysfunction (ED), for example, can sometimes reverse this problem with a healthy lifestyle that includes exercise, according to a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. (2) Even in men requiring ED medication, healthy lifestyle changes likely add to the benefits, the researchers found.
5. Get Enough Sleep for Good Sex
Sleep is another lifestyle factor that impacts libido. One reason is that hormone secretion is controlled by the body’s internal clock, and sleep patterns likely help the body determine when to release certain hormones related to sex.
For both men and women, feeling tired when you get into bed zaps whatever libido you may have had even moments earlier.
Plus, for men, getting enough sleep can boost the level of testosterone (a lower level can be associated with sexual dysfunction), according to a review published in the journal Brain Research.
6. Masturbate or Self-Stimulate for Better Sex
By experimenting on yourself, you can come to better know what satisfies you sexually — information you can then convey to your partner.
For women, masturbation may have other benefits as well. Vaginal dryness and pain may be reduced when you spend time stimulating yourself.
That’s why sex therapists often recommend masturbation as a tool for women having trouble reaching orgasm. You might want to add a vibrator for enhanced stimulation.
