Something I’m being asked lately is where to find a woman who checks off every box on your list. Where do you meet those truly amazing women who are everything you want and more?
You know – a girl who isn’t just good… she’s great:
Her hair flows perfectly down her neck in gorgeous locks.
Her eyes sparkle with intelligence and energy.
Her perfume captures your attention and waters your mouth.
Her smile makes your heart beat faster and a flush come rushing to your cheeks.
Her personality oozes warmth, curiosity, and zest for life.
Her mind is sharp, and she knows what she wants (and what you want, too).
You actually feel nervous around her. You! Who never gets nervous around anyone!
Where do you find a woman like this? It’s not like she’s just out walking around waiting to be plucked off the street… is she?
Something in the way of most men ever getting these dream girls for themselves is that the majority of people THINK they know what they want but don’t LISTEN to what they ACTUALLY want.
How many times have you seen a girl and suddenly gotten that feeling that said, “Wow – I HAVE to meet that girl. She’s everything I want!“
… and then gone on to ignore this feeling, giving yourself an excuse to not say anything, reasoning to yourself that it probably wouldn’t have gone anywhere anyway?
How often have the women you ended up with instead been women you didn’t get this feeling for, and were never quite crazy about or a perfect match for?
In a study of homebuyers, the homebuyers who bought homes according to their gut instincts (the homes that “felt right”) were much happier with their purchases 10 years later than the homebuyers who bought homes based on a methodical, logical analysis of the facts, with no mind paid to that gut instinct.
Why? Because, as it turns out, your subconscious mind processes significantly more information about the world around you and the objects within it than your conscious mind is even aware exists.
Consciousness is a resource-heavy brain program that quickly becomes overwhelmed when presented with too much information. For this reason, the subconscious comes to the rescue by automating most processes – e.g., walking, breathing, typing, driving, catching baseballs, deciding what flavor of ice cream you feel like eating for dessert.
All these are largely automated processes.
Much of your decision making is done subconsciously too – but your conscious mind can choose to overrule these decisions.
A subconscious decision is that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. It’s the one where you suddenly get a bad feeling about something – or you get really excited out of virtually nowhere.
And these feelings can be tremendously useful – when you listen to them.
10 Places with Instant Social Context
“Social context” is the term for a place where you automatically have a reason for talking to a girl. e.g., no real excuse is needed – if you walk up and say “hi,” that’s normal for there.
The nice thing about places with social context is that the context of the place makes it easier and more natural to slip into conversations – that is, at least in part, what people do there.
On the downside, you’ll tend to have more competition (even if that competition isn’t necessarily all that fierce), and you don’t get quite as many bonus points for summoning the courage to say hello – after all, that is what people do here anyway.
#1: The Classroom
Remember those old college days? Or maybe you’re still in college. Either way, you know how easy it is to strike up a conversation with a girl in class – all you’ve got to do is ask her what she thinks of the professor, or the latest homework assignment, or how she did on that awful test you had last week.
Then make a witty comment about it, and you’re in:
The most important part of meeting girls in class? Make sure you’re sitting next to someone pretty. Especially before everyone settles into his or her seats for the semester… fortunately, seating is normally pretty fluid the first couple of classes. Ample time to scope out the landscape… and pick the prettiest girl to alight next to.
If you’re not still in university, never fear: adult learning classes can still pack in the beauties, and usually aren’t too expensive. Just make sure to pick a cute-girl-friendly course, like Spanish 101 or Acting or Tennis, and make sure it’s held on a college campus, where possible. You probably won’t meet too many stunners in an Engineering or Computer Science class, so pick wisely! If possible, audit first – then commit. Pick something where you’ll learn something interesting, of course… but don’t get too committed if there aren’t any eligible bachelorettes that meet your requirements!
And once you’ve found a girl to get to know? Follow these instructions: “Cute Girls in Class? Stop Flirting and Start DATING.”
#2: The Office
The office is the marketplace of the modern age. It’s where you hang out, spend your day, chat with peers, and meet likeminded people. It’s also pretty common to meet a compatible someone there, too.
Office romances are potentially sticky in some ways, but that doesn’t stop people from having them: 1 out of 3 men and women have had a sexual relationship with a coworker, although only about 1 in 4 of those relationships turn into anything substantial.
The office has a few advantages for putting you in touch with women you’ll click with:
- You get plenty of proximity, which allows more time for attraction to build slower and more deeply than in the rushed settings of many other environments
- You get a chance to show off some of your traits and assets that might not be as visible in a more rapidly paced interaction (intelligence, resourcefulness, etc.)
- You’ll be working with women of roughly your same educational and socioeconomic background, which means a much better chance you click than with a random stranger off the street
So how do you go from flirting at work to dating the girl of your dreams?
Simple – you invite her to something fun over the weekend, or steal away with her to grab a quick bite after work.
It’s just regular old dating after that.
#3: The Social Club
This can be anything from an alumni group you participate in for your alma mater to a likeminded group of people, like Toastmasters or one of the many private social clubs that many cities have to offer (some for wealthy individuals, some just for young professionals). These groups typically have regular meetings and goings on; all you need to do is attend, and pick a spot near an attractive young lady.
Social clubs can make finding suitable partners a good bit easier, because, like the office environment, people there will tend to be of similar educational and socioeconomic backgrounds to you and have shared interests. However, unlike work, people are exclusively at social clubs to socialize – and, quite frequently, prospect for mates.
#4: The Activity Group
This includes everything from wine tasting group tours to surf clubs to tennis clubs to language-learning groups to everything else in between. Many of these you can find via Meetup.com, but there are plenty others that have their own websites or you may find listed in the classifieds… or may not be listed at all, and you’ll need a friend to invite you to.
Upsides of activity groups:
- People all tend to be quite down-to-Earth / approachable
- Attendees are invariably singles; like social clubs, couples rarely go
- These groups can sometimes be large, with lots of turnover / lots of new people (hence, women) to meet
Downsides of activity groups:
- The most beautiful women tend not to stick around all that long
- The people who go to the largest number of activity groups (and you’ll meet them if you start frequenting different groups) tend to be either a.) players, b.) attention-seekers, or c.) kind of weird
The best advice on activity groups is probably this:
- Go once or twice per group
- Meet the cool people and women you like worth meeting
- Grab contact information and plan to meet up later
- Keep circulating through different groups
Only settle into a group if you REALLY like the people there (and the activities you do), but bear in mind that if you’re going to build a social circle out of it, you probably won’t meet many women through it (at least in the short term).
Can you meet an amazing woman via activity groups?
In my experience, beautiful / intelligent / awesome personality women with a lot going on for them may try out activity groups like this once or twice, usually when on the rebound and trying to get themselves back into the socializing game, but because the caliber of people is more average here, they don’t tend to stick around long. So, you’ve got to be moving quickly with women you meet who ARE of quality – they probably won’t be back next week.
You get one shot per woman, and that’s it. Make those shots count.
#5: Salsa Night
Salsa class / salsa night is an easy favorite for meeting higher caliber women. If you ever find yourself pulling your hair out over where to find a woman to take on a date or to turn into a potential new girlfriend, just go to salsa night.
Let’s talk the class first. What are the advantages of a salsa class?
- Almost everybody there is single
- Everyone there is out prospecting for new mates
- There are usually more women than men
- The women there tend to be attractive, educated, and fun
- Meeting new women is easy – you just dance and talk
How about salsa night itself?
- Again, mostly singles
- The more skilled women in salsa are often quite beautiful
- More of a social circle scene, but for people good with dance
Main differences between these are that you need some skill to fare okay on a non-class salsa night; in a class, most of the women you’ll be dancing with are unskilled, and all you’ve really got to do is show up, put in a little effort, and chat with your partner.
Then ask her if she’s like to grab a coffee sometime.
#6: The Charity Event
Are you partial to kind yet empowered women? Then check out a charity event.
While some charity events can be places to see and be seen for social ladder-climbing socialites, in general these tend to attract an intriguing assortment of members of the fairer sex:
- Higher social status women who use the event to get out, rub elbows with other higher status people doing good for the world, and show their generous sides
- Empowered “girl power”-type crusader women who want to fight back against injustice and make the world a better and more egalitarian place
- Kindly women who really just want to help other people and feel good about it
Each of these different kinds of women will be in attendance to different degrees depending on the size of the gathering, type of setting it’s being held in, and the cause being supported (not to mention who’s throwing the event), but at a large charity event outdoors in the middle of downtown, for instance, you can expect to find a good mix of all three.
Which one should you focus on meeting? Whichever one best suits your style. You can also meet the people here with similar interests to you, and get a bead on where future charity events will be held, to meet more pretty girls (and give back to your community, of course!).
#7: Happy Hour
After work, many young professionals head over to a favored local watering hole to unwind from the day’s backbreaking labor – or sitting hunched over a computer in a dimly lit cubicle, whichever the case may be.
There’s something very special about happy hour for meeting women; it functions something similar to finding a woman at the office, except now you have access to women from LOTS of different offices. And a lot of the age and relationship-status screening is already done for you; not many older or attached women bother to show up for happy hour.
Like most socializing, it’s done by the young and the single and the eager to meet someone new. And if “intelligent” and “educated” and “professional” are some of your requirements for women you’d like to date, you’ll run into a far higher concentration of them here.
You’ll probably need to do some exploration among the bars in your town to find out which bars have the best happy hours with the cutest kind of girls who are your taste – but that’s the fun part. As you do, you’ll typically find a number of places with different kinds of crowds.
Tip: look for the happy hour bars where patrons are standing up and mingling. Sit-down places are to be avoided… they’re doable in a pinch, but much harder to get off, and there’s little social context for meeting new people. Opt for the places without anywhere to sit down instead.
#8: The Networking Event
Yet another event where people come out expressly to mingle and get acquainted with new individuals they have yet to meet. Networking events, like happy hours, tend to attract young, single professionals, although they’ll also typically have a selection of older individuals with more established careers, who are usually doing the inspecting and hiring (and, by the way, if you’re looking for a job, and not a mate, make sure to focus on the older people there, not the younger ones… the older professionals are the ones with positions they’re looking to fill. The younger ones want you to hire them!).
Different kinds of networking events attract different kinds of crowds – and it’s easy to use these to filter based on preferences. For instance, there are:
- Young professionals networking events (people in their 20s and 30s, often single, usually working at a corporate job of some sort or another)
- Chamber of commerce meetings (a wider spectrum of individuals; fewer attendance by younger people, but better to go to if you’re job hunting)
- Niche networking events, like an acting and modeling networking event, or a photography and artwork networking event
These events are usually easiest to meet women at if you fit the crowd. For instance, if you’re a corporation man, you’ll probably be right at home at a young professionals’ event, but may have a hard time clicking with people at a modeling and acting event, unless you’ve spent enough time in that world to more easily relate (but, if you want to date a model or date an actress, it might be worth a shot regardless).
Look for events thrown in trendy places and by trendy networking companies – there tend to be a handful of networking organizations in every city that throw regular events with solid attendances.
#9: The Party
This is where you work your connections and find out what’s going on where, when, and who’s invited. Unlike most of the other things on this list, you can’t just up and go there without a little homework; you need to be plugged into a group or circle that throws good parties and invites you to them.
If you’re not currently, but you’d like to be, check out the article on how to make friends and start circle-building.
But let’s say you’ve got the bead on some good parties. How do things work here?
Well, as it turns out, parties are some of the easiest places to meet women at. You’ve got all this going for you at a party:
- The women you’ll meet are all friends of your friends, so they’re likely to be of the same or similar socioeconomic class, educational and aspirational backgrounds, and interests to you – instant compatibility
- People at parties are more comfortable because they’re among friends, not strangers – their guards are lowered and they’re more open to meeting new people
- You instantly have at least some social proof, as you’re assumed to at least be a friend of a friend
- There are lots of women on the periphery of your social circle – that is, the prime place in your social circle to pull new women from
- Sex logistics are often handled already (empty bedrooms, bathrooms) or much easier (your place is in the next building over)
Not to mention the fact that people are only at parties to hang out, have fun, meet new people, and, often, hook up with attractive members of the opposite sex.
#10: Online
The great thing about an online dating site is that everybody who’s there is there for the same thing (more or less). Contacting other people and chatting them up to assess them as possible mates is what you do there… and it’s the only thing you do there.
Other kinds of websites can work for this too – e.g., social networking sites – although typically they’re not nearly as good for this as purely dating sites; after all, the women on dating sites are self-selecting themselves to be available for your advances.
You can even use a situational opener to get the ball rolling with girls you’ll meet online; one of my favorites has long been, “So how’s the whole online dating thing treating you, miss?”
