Foreplay. Cuddling. Orgasm. Do you ever wonder what are the key elements that make us feel sexually satisfied?
A new Canadian study of 1,500 Canadian university students between 18-24 conducted by the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada (SIECCAN) and University of Guelph unearthed some interesting information about sex, satisfaction and pleasure.
One of the most fascinating parts of this study is that all it takes is 6 minutes of pre- and post-sex affection in order for women to feel very sexually satisfied. That’s right Justin & Madonna – it actually takes 6 minutes to save the (erotic) world.
And it’s not just women who appreciate a little extra at the top and tail. Men also report feeling more satisfied when there is foreplay and afterplay – which goes against the kind of “wham bam thank you m’am stereotype” right?
As an aside, can we just agree to begin thinking of “foreplay” and “afterplay” as just part of sex? Perhaps that will lead us to stop thinking of intercourse as the main event. After all to constantly define real “sex” as penetrative intercourse means that we will end up placing more emphasis on it than we probably should – because it’s rarely the thing that is the most orgasmic for women – certainly not on its own.
Speaking of sexual activities that are often orgasmic for women, it’s worth noting that there is still a significant “gap” when it comes to oral sex. Where almost 62% of women reported giving oral sex to their partners at their last sexual encounter – only 47% received. Compare that to 60% of men who received. So we have some work to do there.
Other interesting bits: Men and women who frequently or very frequently discussed their sexual likes and dislikes were more likely to be very sexually satisfied in their relationships. So this means that communication is key when it comes to really finding our sexual experiences pleasurable. Unsurprisingly, women who used a vibrator in their last encounter more likely to have an orgasm (78.9% of women who used a vibrator had an orgasm compared to 52.6% of women who did not use a vibrator). So don’t be afraid to bust our your erotic pleasure pouch ladies!! (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s in my book:)
Now in terms of length of sexual encounter, the duration was not related to orgasm or pleasure in men (in other words, they were just fine whether it was short or long) but for women the length of the encounter DID matter. Women whose last sexual encounter was longer than 31 minutes were more likely to have an orgasm and women whose last sexual encounter was longer than 46 minutes were more likely to say that it was very sexually pleasurable.
For me as a mother in her 40s, that seems hecka long. But this was a study done with college students and when I mentally go back to those days, I do remember having a lot more time (and energy) on my hands.
What’s important about that information is that it reminds us that most women don’t experience pleasure from super quick encounters. That might be because they aren’t sufficiently aroused or it might mean that they don’t feel as respected or cared for when it sex is rushed or fast. This is interesting to think about especially when “hookup” culture or “casual” sex encounters seem to be on the rise, especially among millenials.
I’ve long railed against the idea of “casual” sex – I simply think we need to throw out that term. “Casual” to me means irrelevant, unimportant, accidental. I don’t believe (especially in this #MeToo world) that’s the type of sex we should be aiming for.
Instead I believe we should see every sexual encounter as joyful, careful, meaningful and mutually pleasurable – even when it is short term. Ultimately, this study once again that communication, playfulness and mutual respect matters when it comes to our sexual pleasure.
So with that in mind, how about we all aim to love each other better in 2022.
