What REALLY Makes Women Say “Yes” to Sex
All of this is a long-winded way of saying, my dude: the reasons why you’re exhausted is because you’re trying to live up to standards that are not only completely made up, but that are virtually impossible to live up to. The Rock looks like he does because it is literally his job to look like that. His life and career are built around being so in shape that he becomes a thirst trapezoid… and even then, it’s entirely dependent on the role. You can see the difference between his early days in the WWE, his role in Snitch and Fast 6. The same goes for Chris Hemsworth, Charlie Day, Kumail Nanjiani, Simu Liu, Chris Pratt… any super-hunk you care to name: their super-jacked bods are the product of their entire lives being based around eating and training at intervals so strictly regulated that it’s virtually impossible for anyone else to follow them.
And the thing is, the people who care the most about this aren’t women… it’s other men. While yes, women like looking at hunky men, that’s not their prerequisite for casual sex. Here’s the baseline of what women are looking for when it comes to casual sex:
a) He’s attractive to them
b) He’s safe — physically and emotionally
c) The sex would be good enough to risk pregnancy, sexually-transmitted infections, the potential of physical and emotional violence and the societal consequences of being a woman who likes to fuck.
I mean, why do you think it’s still called “the walk of shame”?
Before you start going on about how being muscular fits into A or C, it’s worth remembering that not only do women like a wide variety of bodies and types, but that looking like you were carved out of marble and abs doesn’t mean you’re actually good in bed. Speaking for myself: I’ve slept with women who were model-gorgeous but thought all they had to do to be good in bed was just “show up”. Women, likewise, have oodles of stories of men who were conventionally hot or hung like porn stars and how awful they were at sex. One of the reason why women don’t like casual sex isn’t because they don’t like sex, it’s because men tend to see casual sex as a reason to just get off and go. After all, why bring your a-game if you’re never gonna see her again? Not to mention, this often comes with bonus points of calling her a slut or a whore afterwards.
While conventional good looks certainly help — nobody is saying otherwise — it’s not the only factor, nor is it the most important. A dude who actually radiates good sex, whether through being a skilled dancer, a great flirt or simply knowing how to build a sensual connection is going to have far more success than someone who’s pleasant to look at but otherwise an empty vessel.
Now, if you dig working out and strength training for its own sake then, shit dude, go for it. Hit that gym, drink your protein shakes and eat all the cod and chicken breasts you can choke down. But focusing on trying to measure up to imaginary standards that’re held up by other men instead of what women are actually looking for is just going to mean that you’re constantly be under the gun. You’ll literally never be able to measure up because you’re convinced that you need to be superhuman. And worse, any success you do have won’t be satisfying in the ways you hope.
You’d do better to focus on social skills and learning how to build connections with folks, how to meet people in person and communicate and — again — demonstrate through word and deed that you’re worth banging because sex with you would be good. That’s not gonna come because you’ve got them boulder shoulders, it’s going to come because you know how to touch someone and how to move your body. You’ll have more confidence and self-assurance because you’ll be more focused on developing yourself as a person, not trying to rack up enough numbers that you’ll be able to reach the top of the Masculinity Scoreboard (before someone else kicks you all the way back down the ladder)
You’ll be less tired this way because you won’t be chasing down a goal that is literally unobtainable. You won’t be as hung up on impossible goals and unrealistic standards and putting all your energy trying to get the approval of strangers, approval that doesn’t even have anything to do with the people you’re hoping to sleep with.
Finding sex partners, even for same-night hook-ups is about connecting with people, getting to know them and building relationships. Even folks who are open to having sex that night by someone they’ve just met — whether on Tinder or at the bar — don’t like being treated like a foregone conclusion or a sex-ATM. They want to connect with that person, make sure they have a vibe and chemistry and a reason to sleep with them, specifically. That’s gonna be a lot harder to come by if you’re convinced that a deltoid and a bicep, a hot groin and a tricep are all it’s gonna take to make someone want to take you buy the hand.
Good luck.
